You might think I've forgotten this blog, that I strayed from my goal. You would be wrong!
I haven't been writing how thankful I am, I have been living it.
I'be quit my job, written a book in 30 days (for NaNoWriMo), am pursuing my passion for learning with my ponies, spending time with incredible people I am lucky to call friend, and I feel so thankful, so grateful, and so blessed every day.
7/26/14 22:23
I completed my first 5k today. My body, despite some pain because I didn't prepare at all, is thruming with post-cardio glee. Not long ago I had forgotten what that felt like. It feels amazing. I feel amazing.
This month has been a mixed bag. Work has been mentally tough and not in a positive, productive way. But even that is driving me to let go of old fears and find my own balance, so I am thankful for it.
I've taken more time off to just be and to reconnect with my own dreams, goals and needs. It so hard to put into words how I feel...but I am getting back to me and the kind of person I want to be and it just feels right. I have a direction, a plan, but my plan is openness and just allowing the right steps to present themselves.
There's something amazing about climbing into a freshly made bed. So inviting, so reassuring, a haven from a wild world with my adorable pup snuggled up close.
I'm busy, taking every opportunity and being fully present in the now rather than throwing this moment away in anticipation of the next.
My body is getting stronger, my nutrition is improving, I can feel the momentum building, moving toward a healthier more active me.
My physical therapist is teaching me to stand and walk in correct alignment for the first time ever. It's changing my life in a thousand little ways- and big ones- giving me balance, strength, mobility and most importantly, eliminating pain.
I've learned to techniques to support my horses in their strength and range of motion (ironically taught to me by the physical therapist helping me!) which also help me in reading and understanding them.
I've been camping with my family and tried paddle boarding for the first time (loved it!), played softball and sand volleyball, been to a concert at the county fair, indulged in solo sushi dinners, made new friends, reconnected with old ones, have a healthy tan just from enjoying what I love and the horses have hay put up for the winter (a HUGE relief both because of limited supply and cost).
I've resolved to declutter and find new homes for a third of my belongings. There's something so liberating about letting go of things that don't bring joy into your life!
I'm about to establish an LLC and embark on a new business. I sold a giant pile of old horse equipment I do not need or want and made a bit of cash at the same time.
I just feel amazing in a sustainable way. I can't think of anything to be more thankful for than that.
Okay, so I missed a month and a half. It's been a great month and a half too! Today I went to Art in the Vineyard, a local event with wineries and artists at Alton Baker Park in Eugene, Oregon. It's my Dad's and my 'thing' so we hit the wineries and tasted delicious local wines, ate fair food and looked at art created by artisans from all over the country. All in all, a very fun day with my Dad!
5/20/14 Tuesday 23:10
I've been off work a week, recovering from surgery. I'm supposed to have another week before I go back to work.
I don't want to go back the same person who left. The world has been racing by these last years and I have grown and matured. I'm proud of what I've learned and accomplished. And I'm ready for my external life to reflect all my internal changes. But I've been so busy surviving the status quo, that I haven't really progressed on the the things that will give me the future I want.
This last week has grounded me, let me breathe, shown me how incredibly lucky I am. I have so many people who love me, believe in me, support me, I get teary just thinking about them. How did I get so lucky? How did we find each other? These people all do more for me than I do for them, why doesn't that seem to bother them? I want to do more for them, but when I see the opportunity to do something special, it seems to pass before I can get a handle on it. I want to be the person who spoils her friends and family, remembers and commemorates every birthday, holiday, special event and just because days. Even that takes money.
I hate the feeling of scarcity that has dogged my heels my entire life. I know the key to no scarcity is not living that way. To just letting if go and letting the practical take care if itself. But how? When the horses need hay, the fridge is empty and so is the bank account and the gas tank, how do I not feel lack?
If I can figure that out, then I'm done with this lesson. The same lesson I've been getting schooled on my whole life, but still can't seem to figure out. I would really, REALLY like to graduate to the next life lesson.
But how? This next week I want to refocus on being open and leaving lack behind. I want to escape and write, just be. And I want to move forward.
I want to figure out why I keep having these mini anxiety attacks- a rush of adrenaline and a racing heart- from just a glimmer of a thought. I don't even know what the thought is, it's just background noise in my head.
I want to be one with my horse, move with him rather than being on a different wavelength, both of us desperately trying to connect, and failing.
Most of all I want to reclaim my zest. I am floating along at a low level of happy, which is better than sad!, but I want my enthusiasm, my emotion, my highes, my big dreams and huge plans back. I want joyful rushes if adrenaline and racing heart.
I guess I just want ME back.
5/13/14 Tuesday 22:38
I feel amazing. I can BREATHE. Easily, freely and without thought.
Today the ENT I self referred to performed surgery on my septum, sinuses and turbinates. My nose is splinted and draining gruesomely, but I can breathe. For the first time. I didn't even realize how HARD, how EXHAUSTING breathing has always been. I thought this surgery might help me breathe during exercise and while sleeping. Might. Now I believe it will completely change my life.
For years I've struggled with fatigue and funky muscle reactions. I've completed two Whole 30 strict paleo diets in the pursuit of being the physical person trapped inside. It helped, but the symptoms persisted.
And now... everything is possible, plausible! I had quite the day and I am just now ready to sleep, despite the post surgery drug cocktail on board and the healing to still take place.
Wow.
Just WOW.
This weekend I was trying to clean the house, the car, do laundry, change the linens, do dishes, organize files, etc, etc. And I read books. I didn't have the energy, the drive to accomplish setting myself up for a successful recovery. I read book upon book instead. I tried and got some done, but finally I had to let go.
Let go of trying to be perfect. Let go of being my best all the time. Let go of doing it ALL. Let go of independence.
Accepted my need for help. Accepted my inability to 'git r done'. Accepted my imperfection.
I got the important stuff done. Not perfect, not ideal, but the goal was met. To take of myself before I was unable to do so.
Now I wonder...what will life be like with oxygen flooding my brain, my heart, my muscles? Will I stop having to fight every single day just to find the energy for the basic requirements of life? Of my love and passion for horses? What will breathing do for my riding? For my love of running but the misery of oxygen starvation while trying?
Wow.
Just WOW.
Such an incredible future to look forward to.
5/7/14 Wednesday 14:14
I'm at the anesthesiologist's office waiting for my appointment, it's a glorious day and I've had a sudden invite to drive to the coast tonight. Pretty excited!
5/5/15 Monday 13:58
It's been a very up and down day. I'm off work and the weather was gorgeous this morning. I'm just thankful to have a day away from work, to think and reflect and just breathe for a minute.
4/26/14 16:14
I'm waiting for my tires to get rotated so I have some free time and I'm not putting off posting anymore.
Its been a good month. Getting things in order, scheduling sinus surgery, starting physical therapy, changing my diet and giving up sugar, caffeine and grains, horses have all their vet, chiropractic and farrier car current and look great post-shedding.
I washed and polished up my car so it doesn't look so neglected! Yesterday I changed my own oil for the first time. Now that I've done that, I can say I'd rather pay somebody else to do it! But I have a certain oil and filter I want to use, so I'm kind of stuck doing it myself.
I'm still not feeling awesome, but hopefully in about 3 months, after I've healed from surgery, have been eating better and learn how to stand/move properly in physical therapy, I'll be a whole new person!
4/10/14 00:17
Sunshine. Glorious warm Spring days. Vibrant green grass. Flowers blooming everywhere. Weather like this is why I live in Oregon.
The horses are glossy and content, full of spring hijinks, I'm energized by the space created in my life by Harmony's departure, and stuff is getting done. The daily stuff that I've been so far behind on for so long...cooking, cleaning, grooming and training the horses...is all getting done, despite starting on a Whole 30 and passing out after work because there's no sugar and caffeine to keep me going.
I'm energized in spite of the exhaustion from adjusting to new diet and getting more done than ever, which is amazing to think about. How can I be so tired and spend so much time sleeping after work and still get all this done?! Guess it's just happy fuel!
4/6/14 20:07
I just need a boot to the bum! These last days and weeks I've been asking myself where I am going, if I'm just floating along or if I'm really letting go of unreasonable expectations. I want to be happy, I know what makes me happy, and yet somehow I've lost that moment treasuring joie d'viv.
So here I've been, questioning my accomplishments and where I'm going and feeling like I haven't really DONE anything. I haven't been writing more than 'I did such and such' once a week in my journal, I haven't been working on either of my books, I haven't been saving for a rainy day, I've just been adjusting to a new reality. And apparently, I see now, beating myself up for needing some time to adjust and comprehend the impact of my new norm!
In just a month, I have freedom I've only dreamed of (my own horse hauling rig, a horse trailer free and clear), I've sold Harmony and gained all the financial, emotional and free time that entails, I've put Hoodlum in professional training, and I'm well on my way to having 3 top notch show horses ready to go. For the first time ever. I've never had any of this and it's what I've always dreamed of! And it all came together in a month! WOW! WOW! WOW!!!
This afternoon I drove up to Corvallis, in the glorious perfect spring sunshine and saw Harmony, relaxed and happy with her new Mom in an enormous stall with a huge window where everyone admires and adorea her as they walk by. She is as relaxed as I have ever seen her. I have taken this mare so far...from a wild, practically feral 3 year old, to this. I did my part to ensure her a great future and now I've sent her on to it, freeing myself in the process. THAT is definitely something to be thankful for!
3/30/14 23:33
Harmony left for her new home today. It feels wonderful to know I have one less to house, feed, vet, trim, vaccinate, deworm, supplement, chiropractor, turnout, clean stall, groom and exercise!
I slammed my system with caffeine this morning, got all the horses turned out before the rain hit, cleaned stalls, bathed them all, soaked and treated Dini's hoof, cleaned and organized the tack room, sleazied and blanketed everyone, got Harmony off to her new home and packed all the blankets up to go to the laundromat.
I got a bug to go show my stunning mare, Reo in halter but I'll have to bust to get her ready for the next show in 3 weeks. She's not trained, groomed or conditioned at the moment, but I think I can get her looking amazing in no time.
3/25/14 20:55
Harmony is officially sold, I got trailer tags and registration yesterday, bills are paid, the fruit bowl is full, but I still feel somewhat down. I'm very thankful to see all these wonderful things happen, but I feel insulated and separate. Maybe it is just my poor nutrition, which semms to chemically affect my mood, or just the natural reaction to do much change. I'm moving into a new phase of life- one that includes horses, but doesn't revolve around them. I'm not entirely sure where to go next and it's so easy to sink into old habits, but now that Harmony is sold, it's time to focus on getting the next one trained and sold.
3/20/14 23:20
Harmony is sold. I thought I would be sad, disappointed, have a hard time dealing. But I'm not. I'm gloriously happy. I know I've done the best possible for Harmony, her new mom, Suzie, and I. I am thrilled that Harmony will happy and adored and I now only have horses...my lowest number since high school!
3/18/14 22:30
Harmony is in the final stages of selling pending a vet check. Her potential new mom has been difficult to pin down, but the vet check is Thursday. She had an osteopath look at her last night and she loved her and told me I shouldn't sell her, she's a really nice horse. Which was odd, since she was there for the buyer. It was tough to hear as Harmony has the potential to take me all the way to the top in dressage competition. But I want to see her excel. It's very bittersweet.
I've interviewed for two positions that I would thrive in, both with with pretty significant pay bumps. It's tough to move up in my company. Easy to move laterally, but getting a job that really challenges and engages my mind just hasn't happened- yet! I'm hopeful that one of the positions will work out.
Sunday night I had one the best meals of my life. One of those meals that leaves your body singing and satiated.
I made new friends this weekend and socialized, I helped out my mom and her friend, the vet got everyone caught up on vaccines and Dini's teeth floated. Things are moving along wonderfully, but I feel a little depressed... not in the clinical sense, but my normal happiness has been suppressed. Thankfully, I have many tools to being my happy up, like this blog!
3/12/14 23:06
I have such a great Mommy. I'm just so darn lucky go have someone who loves and supports me so much, unconditionally. So here's to my Mom, who I'm thankful for every single day.
3/6/13 20:44
I'm at the laundromat washing weeks of laundry, happily content knowing in another hour I will no longer be living with a huge mass of dirty clothes and bedding! Finding the time and energy to hit the laundromat has been a challenge!
I got a bunch of kudos from my team and team lead today for a Lean project that I took the initiative on and did. I asked permission to meet the first time with our awesome Lean guy, Matt, but I ran with it quietly thinking it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. It could have gone either way since my work load increased and I didn't put the project aside because they were meeting today. Well, for the first time, I got actual acknowledgement and recognition for doing what I'm good at and enjoy doing- for the first time in a paid environment. I have an interview Monday for a great new job, but if I don't get it, I'll be happy to work on Lean in my current dept!
We had a baby shower for one of the girls with tons of yummy food and I rode Dini again this morning before work. He was so sore, he was biting at me and making faces while grooming, but still had a great attitude when going to saddle and bridle and work. That's how I know I'm on the right track- sore as all get out and STILL wants to go work! I kept it to the walk all morning because we're both a bit broken, closing my eyes and learning to trust, allow my body to relax and not to let fear intrude. It took 45 minutes, but we were boh very fluid if not entirely pain free by the end.
Riding Dini before work is such a blessing, one I never would have experienced if I didn't live at the barn. Walking into the quiet, flicking on the lights, being greeted by welcome nickers, happy ponies and the morning sun...it grounds me and energizes me as nothing EVER has. Work was not a breeze- the entire server went down yesterday, but it doesn't even faze me, because I've already done the most important thing for me to do this day. Enjoying the pony I adore.
10/5/14 20:17
Today was the first day that I rode Houdini before work. I loved it. Rolling out of bed initially at 4:45 was challenge, but once I was up and moving I felt great! I was happy and energized despite ongoing challenges at work and it took all this pressure off because I did the most important thing first. All in all, we're off to a great start!!!
It also gave me the focus and strength to do yoga at lunch and eat well all day.
3/4/14 22:03
I am so excited, I got my hair done tonight! I let it go too long until it was completely unmanageable, but no longer! I also hit happy hour with a friend for work that I haven't really had a chance to talk to for a year. And I got stalls done before work this morning. And I feel great. And I'm planning my adventures with my new horse trailer. It's just an And And And day with so many incredible people and happenings.
And I thought I won $15 on a scratch it, but it was actually $25, surprise!
And I'm going to start doing the most important things first. Like riding my horse. So to bed for me, up at 5am to ride before work!
3/4/14 13:13
Yesterday I reconnected with a great friend that I haven't seen since last June. She's one of my all time favorite people and a pow wow with her never fails to inspire me.
I was really tired last night when I got home, so I went to bed early and cleaned stalls before work. I was thinking about riding and how it always falls thru the cracks at the end of the day even though it's my biggest goal right now. "Do what's important first" flashed across my mind. I'm going to try to start riding before work!
3/2/14 23:46
Tonight I finally got together with my Dad for a long overdue Daddy Daughter dinner date. We gorged on delicious specialty pizza and adult beverages at a local college joint, then walked to a high class place for some tasty creme brulee and tiramisu. Yumm! Trying new restaurants is our thing and I'm excited to start exploring new culinary scrumptiousness together again!
3/2/14 00:14
I don't know why I haven't been writing. Life is awesome. I'm moving happily forward in so many ways! At work I'm finally being challenged in the way I need, I have a great team, I'm working toward more responsibility and higher pay...all good there! Better than good!
My horse dreams are coming true too...Harmony will have a new home pending a vet check, Dini is phenomenal (although he has had some swelling this week), Hoodlum is now in training and I had a great ride on Reo. Lastly, today a long held dream came true. I now am the proud owner of a truck AND trailer. Everything just fell into place perfectly...
Now I can go anywhere! Clinics, the beach, trail rides, shows- no more begging and being completely dependent on others!
2/21/14 23:42
It's boring to say, but life is just good. Everything is trucking along, the weather is beautiful, I work with awesome people and have a lot of scary and exciting things coming down the pike. I have wonderful, inspiring friends who think I'm amazing, I'm no longer worried about being alone (cuz I'm not) or single. Basically, I'm just happy. I don't know how everything is going to work out, I just know that it is.
I showed my horse this morning. We really didn't do very well, but we still won Reserve English High Point and received a bucket full of cool stuff. I'm pretty excited!
Life is just great. I've got so much positive movement, tons of interest on Harmony, developing my career, progress on my book, moving forward with Houdini, sending Hoodlum to someone for training, awesome, AWESOME friends...and I'm very, very happy!
I showed my horse this morning. We really didn't do very well, but we still won Reserve English High Point and received a bucket full of cool stuff. I'm pretty excited!
Yesterday I had lunch with Heidi, a good friend and former coworker, who has moved on to bigger and better things. It was so great to see her again and catch up!
I'm so lucky to have my own chearleading squad. I have so many people who believe in and support me, I'm in awe. And it makes want to be a better person; to be worthy of their belief.
I went to lunch with a new friend and coworker. I talked about a job I applied for and my career aspirations. She offered to be a reference and help me toward my real career passion- process improvement and Lean. Her belief in me is kind of shocking, because we've only interacted at work for the last couple of months, and she already has faith in my abilities, despite my lack of "on-the-job" experience.
I was so energized and excited, I could barely focus in the less engaging work waiting on my desk!
I've been shirking my thankful duties and not writing, which is too bad because I have a ton to be thankful for!
I'm getting serious about my riding again, I've had some great new business ideas, spending a ton of fun time with friends and family. We had a bunch of snow (for us) but never lost power. Denali turned 13. I could go on and on...
Yesterday was a GREAT day. I didn't roll out of bed until 2pm...I stayed up really late watching movies, but it was sunny and balmy. I turned the ponies out and grabbed the camera. I got the most amazing shots of Houdini playing and contorting. The quality isn't awesome, I still need to learn to really use my camera, but the sheer strength, joy, muscle control and expression was something I've never captured before. I've always gone for 'artsy' shots that show how beautiful he is. These are raw and rough and mud, but they're so real. And so him.
After the batteries died, I cleaned stalls then brought everyone in. Harmony, the girl I'm seeking a perfect new home for, got a spa treatment and was perfectly behaved.
Everyone else got a good curry.
A friend I've hardly seen for months showed up and we rode together. Houdini left his dinner to come to the stalls door and put him head in the bridle, he wanted to work THAT much.
I had a great ride. Our last ride was awful; stiff, no connection, just thumping around on the forehand stiff as a board. Last night I was a thinking rider. Neither of us have been working and we're both stiff and out of shape, so I worked on me first... just relaxing into his movement at the trot and canter until my body wasn't resisting his. He was warming up and learning to trust my non interference at the same time.
Once we were mobile, I used very light flexing at the poll and light leg with supporting spur to ask for give, give, give. My goal was supple and forward, to get freedom of movement without creating resistance. Conscious "effort" creates resistance in my muscles, resistance in my muscles means Houdini has to fight me to do his job...and that's not fair to either of us!
The entire ride was just a developing. Developing a connection, developing movement, developing relaxation, developing suspension, developing freedom. And we did it. Came out awful and left with muscles humming and a happy pony. And that is what it's all about.
Yesterday I stayed home from work. I felt awful and was super depressed- probably a combo of illness and not eating. I had forgotten how horrid hopelessness feels. I'm really glad that I have the experience and tools to get off that track!
Today has been great, I managed to work a full day, get some hearty groceries and am cooking a real- hopefully delicious!- meal! I was able to clean up, I'm snuggling with my puppy while things cooks and after I eat, I'll clean stalls and get some pony time.
I was happy to be back to work after being so sick, but I was sooo exhausted. I slept 5 hours after work! I cleaned stalls and took the time to really check in with my horses and say hi. And I realized it's time to let go. Really let go, of the past, of expectations, of the things that I love but just don't work in the future I want. So I dropped Harmony's price and posted her all over, now I just hope the right person comes along. I'm thankful that I'm learning this lesson and that I am finally ready for it, no matter how painful it may be.
It's been no secret to my friends that I've been struggling to keep my happy up, but I've got it. Does it take work? Absolutely. It takes mindfulness and not stepping down that negative rabbit hole, but I know how to shift perspective and as long as I'm WILLING to not wallow, I so got this!
Thanks to some super strong antibiotics, a steroid, an inhaler, flonase and allergy meds, I'm finally feeling a LOT better!
There's a whole lot of day-after-day gray in the Willamette Valley during the winter. And Fall. And Spring. Sometime even Summer. So when a day like today comes along, it feels like a gift. About 50 degrees, breezy and blue as can be. The happiness meter jumps 50 points by default!
I'm now on day 5 of being sick in bed, which has not been a party. But it has been a chance for a super long snuggle with my almost 13 year old puppy, Denali. She's getting older and I'm thankful to have such a long time to just be with her, something that just doesn't happen enough because there's always so much to do!
But I'm very thankful that I have the option to take as much time as I need to get better!
I spent the day in bed with a fever and cruddy lungs. I'm happy to be feeling much better, after spending the day sleeping and reading, thanks to my book shopping spree at St Vincent de Paul last night. I had planned on working ponies, but my body forced me to tale some much needed me time!
I'm a romantic. I believe in the be-all-to-end-all-lifelong fairytale kind of love. I just finished a story about that kind of love. About a strong man who loved a strong woman enough to let her go until she chose him. It left me full of warm fuzzies. It's so rare and valuable for a book to elicit these feelings. I'm so happy I just happened to run across this one!
Today was a great day. I put in over 10 productive hours at work, read and wrote in my journal on breaks, busted out stalls after turning the horses out, and then spent the evening with a close friend gabbing, porking out and drinking cider. All of my responsibilities have been taken care of and this time is mine to just enjoy. I took some cough syrup so I won't be disturbed later when I go to sleep but right now I'm going to work on my book. I'm so content and happy!
Last night I woke up and could have written, but I decided to sleep. So....I'm thankful for a great night's sleep!
I just had a great night of dinner and karaoke with new friends. I even sang solo. I was not good, but I did it anyway!
Today was a total drag. How does this lead to a thankful? Because I know why I felt down. I stayed up until 2 am watching Despicable Me 2 and the alarm goes off at 5:10 am. I know that all I need to do to not feel this way, is make better sleep choices.
This morning I woke up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. I was just laying bed, my dog Denali snuggled up next to me, thinking.
Before I ever start writing, I always think about what I will write and how I will write it. I started a book in September, but it's been stalled because I haven't been inspired. It's not writers block, I have no problem generating a story, it just wasn't GOOD.
Today that changed!
It's an odd thing to be thankful for, but I'm deeply thankful that I have people who say they're sorry when they've done something deeply hurtful. It means they love me enough to care that I am hurt. And that is something to be truly thankful for.
Tonight was my company holiday party. I didn't realize how large my network of incredible people had grown until tonight. Less than two years ago, I didn't know any of these people and now I have this amazing network of friends and coworkers that is probably close to 100 people that I genuinely enjoy the company of. How many people can say that?
Some days you have to work to find the thankful. Today I spent 4 hours going from store to store to store to store to store looking for "the" dress for our post-holiday work party. I was unsuccessful.
Through it all, however, my sister was digitally by my side, passing verdict on texted pics. Which is pretty darn cool.
I'm thankful that I've made such an effort to improve my professional appearance. Over the last year I've started wearing dresses with appropriate shoes, jewelry, accessories, light make-up and I try to do my hair. Today is why.
I was asked this morning if I could interview today for another position at work. Because I dress nicely everyday, I didn't have to worry about if what I was wearing was interview appropriate. I knew it was because I am always prepared and I was able to interview with confidence.
Murphy's law says the one day you don't dress nicely is the day you'll run into a bigwig at your company, an ex, or some other person you don't want to look sloppy in front of. It pays to be prepared!
This morning I accidentally turned off my alarm instead of hitting snooze. I overslept three hours! I woke up feeling wonderful and looked at my phone for the time- 9 am, exactly two hours late for work.
I rarely sleep well. Waking up rested and happy is a gift to be thankful for!
I would have revamped the world by now. I'm listening to light rain of the roof, the sound of instant happiness. I'm snuggled in bed and was almost asleep when I realized I forgot my thankful. And today was a day to be extra thankful for.
I worked 9.5 hours, spent my 30 min lunch in the gym doing yoga, grocery shopped, rode 3 horses, lunged 1 horse, cleaned 4 stalls, cooked lunches for the week, did dishes, worked on my book and gave myself a facial and manicure. And I'm still energized! If I felt this way everyday, I would accomplish incredible feats in no time at all!
Today is one of those days. I feel AMAZING. It sure didn't start that way though! Somebody hit a power pole last night. No electricity so no heat in 26° weather, so I bundled under my down comforter with just my nose sticking out. I woke up every so often because my nose got too cold, but the rest of me stayed warm! Finally around 7am the electricity came on, I turned on the heater and the heating pad and slept until noon.
I got up and since there was no electricity, there was no running water because the lines froze (we're on a well) so I layered up and turned the ponies out to play, except Harmony, who I determined to work. I hopped on her post-lungeing after over 2 months off for her sixth ride ever. And she was perfect. Moved right off, relaxed, like we never missed a day. I have taken this horse from a feral pasture pet to this sweet, gorgeous, willing partner. She did the work, but I showed her how. And it feels awesome.
After that, I turned her out for play time and cleaned stalls.
I was so busy being active and getting things done, I completely forgot to eat until about 6pm. Despite that, I have been completely energized. I got the majority of the cleaning and organizing that I wanted for the new year done, I painted my nails, I did some pampering with a face mask and what not and here it is, 11:30pm and I feel like going for a run (I won't, it's FRIGID outside with freezing fog and I need to sleep so I can work tomorrow).
My body is happy, my mind is happy, the dishes are done, the laundry put away, the bed is made, the horses cared for, the dog is passed out from playing, it's just the best feeling in the world!
I just spent 4 hours freezing me toes off at 26° and arrived home to no electricity. I'm camped in my car with the heater on until I get warm enough to dart into the house and jump into bed before the cold air gets me.
Despite that, I am thrilled and excited. I just spent hours gabbing with a best bud and catching up. I am so thankful that we got to reconnect.
I'm also thankful that I made myself stop for fuel on the way home instead of putting it off until tomorrow, because my toes are quite toasty now!
I'm thankful to feel inspired to write again. About anything and everything! I love following logic and nonsense to new places.
All day I kept thinking "I have to find something I truly FEEL thankful for." And all day I struggled. I went home exhausted from work and passed out fully dressed. I woke up ME again.
I dashed to Bed, Bath & Beyond and got the fancy toaster oven I've been dreaming of (Christmas present from my amazing Mom!). That's a huge thankful both because I'm so lucky to have a Mom who totally spoils me and I can cook the healthy food I want to eat. Junk food tanks my happiness!
After that, I visited some of my favorite people, my sister and my nephews.
I am so thankful that after a childhood at war, my sister and I are becoming the best of friends and that I get to watch my nephews grow up and discover the world.
2014 has arrived. Amid fireworks, gunshots, family, friends, or a cozy bed, our "fresh slate" is here. My challenge to myself- and anyone who wants to join me- is to fill my slate with wonderful things, no matter how life throws challenges my way.
The Mission: Write at least one thing I am truly thankful for, from my heart, to my head, to the soles of my feet, every single day of 2014. To feel thankful and appreciate the amazing gifts in my life no matter what happens. Because happiness and health are the two things that matter most and all that other 'good' stuff- well, that's just the gravy on the life I've already built.
My super long list (Starting off right!!!):
My awesome family. We aren't perfect, but, WOW, do I have people to count on.
My friends. How did I get so lucky? To find people who just love me for me and believe in me, even when I don't believe in myself?
Houdini. My horse of almost 18 years. The four-hooved love of my life. Your personality, ridiculous antics, incredible heart and temper tantrums ground me as nothing else can.
Miss Nali, my lab mix. Almost 13 years old, lumpy as all get out, and still happy to bounce around the barn or snuggle up all day in bed.
This very comfy and cozy bed, where I'm still recovering from staying up WAY past my bedtime. And my down comforter. Love my down comforter.
The invention of the smart phone, where I can write and share from almost anywhere.
My happy light. Everyone in Oregon should have one. Otherwise you forget what bright looks like!
My brain. I love to think, ponder, debate and discuss. Knowing that if I don't "get" something, I'm just not thinking about it in the right way. I can't imagine who I would be without that part of myself.
My determination. I don't know how to quit. I may get discouraged, distracted or even depressed, but I can't give up. I won't let myself. It's not in me and I am SO thankful for that.
I could write all day, but I have four ponies and a puppy who want their thankful mommy to come out and play!
