Yesterday I stayed home from work. I felt awful and was super depressed- probably a combo of illness and not eating. I had forgotten how horrid hopelessness feels. I'm really glad that I have the experience and tools to get off that track!
Today has been great, I managed to work a full day, get some hearty groceries and am cooking a real- hopefully delicious!- meal! I was able to clean up, I'm snuggling with my puppy while things cooks and after I eat, I'll clean stalls and get some pony time.
I was happy to be back to work after being so sick, but I was sooo exhausted. I slept 5 hours after work! I cleaned stalls and took the time to really check in with my horses and say hi. And I realized it's time to let go. Really let go, of the past, of expectations, of the things that I love but just don't work in the future I want. So I dropped Harmony's price and posted her all over, now I just hope the right person comes along. I'm thankful that I'm learning this lesson and that I am finally ready for it, no matter how painful it may be.
It's been no secret to my friends that I've been struggling to keep my happy up, but I've got it. Does it take work? Absolutely. It takes mindfulness and not stepping down that negative rabbit hole, but I know how to shift perspective and as long as I'm WILLING to not wallow, I so got this!
Thanks to some super strong antibiotics, a steroid, an inhaler, flonase and allergy meds, I'm finally feeling a LOT better!
There's a whole lot of day-after-day gray in the Willamette Valley during the winter. And Fall. And Spring. Sometime even Summer. So when a day like today comes along, it feels like a gift. About 50 degrees, breezy and blue as can be. The happiness meter jumps 50 points by default!
I'm now on day 5 of being sick in bed, which has not been a party. But it has been a chance for a super long snuggle with my almost 13 year old puppy, Denali. She's getting older and I'm thankful to have such a long time to just be with her, something that just doesn't happen enough because there's always so much to do!
But I'm very thankful that I have the option to take as much time as I need to get better!
I spent the day in bed with a fever and cruddy lungs. I'm happy to be feeling much better, after spending the day sleeping and reading, thanks to my book shopping spree at St Vincent de Paul last night. I had planned on working ponies, but my body forced me to tale some much needed me time!
I'm a romantic. I believe in the be-all-to-end-all-lifelong fairytale kind of love. I just finished a story about that kind of love. About a strong man who loved a strong woman enough to let her go until she chose him. It left me full of warm fuzzies. It's so rare and valuable for a book to elicit these feelings. I'm so happy I just happened to run across this one!
Today was a great day. I put in over 10 productive hours at work, read and wrote in my journal on breaks, busted out stalls after turning the horses out, and then spent the evening with a close friend gabbing, porking out and drinking cider. All of my responsibilities have been taken care of and this time is mine to just enjoy. I took some cough syrup so I won't be disturbed later when I go to sleep but right now I'm going to work on my book. I'm so content and happy!
Last night I woke up and could have written, but I decided to sleep. So....I'm thankful for a great night's sleep!
I just had a great night of dinner and karaoke with new friends. I even sang solo. I was not good, but I did it anyway!
Today was a total drag. How does this lead to a thankful? Because I know why I felt down. I stayed up until 2 am watching Despicable Me 2 and the alarm goes off at 5:10 am. I know that all I need to do to not feel this way, is make better sleep choices.
This morning I woke up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. I was just laying bed, my dog Denali snuggled up next to me, thinking.
Before I ever start writing, I always think about what I will write and how I will write it. I started a book in September, but it's been stalled because I haven't been inspired. It's not writers block, I have no problem generating a story, it just wasn't GOOD.
Today that changed!
It's an odd thing to be thankful for, but I'm deeply thankful that I have people who say they're sorry when they've done something deeply hurtful. It means they love me enough to care that I am hurt. And that is something to be truly thankful for.
Tonight was my company holiday party. I didn't realize how large my network of incredible people had grown until tonight. Less than two years ago, I didn't know any of these people and now I have this amazing network of friends and coworkers that is probably close to 100 people that I genuinely enjoy the company of. How many people can say that?
Some days you have to work to find the thankful. Today I spent 4 hours going from store to store to store to store to store looking for "the" dress for our post-holiday work party. I was unsuccessful.
Through it all, however, my sister was digitally by my side, passing verdict on texted pics. Which is pretty darn cool.
I'm thankful that I've made such an effort to improve my professional appearance. Over the last year I've started wearing dresses with appropriate shoes, jewelry, accessories, light make-up and I try to do my hair. Today is why.
I was asked this morning if I could interview today for another position at work. Because I dress nicely everyday, I didn't have to worry about if what I was wearing was interview appropriate. I knew it was because I am always prepared and I was able to interview with confidence.
Murphy's law says the one day you don't dress nicely is the day you'll run into a bigwig at your company, an ex, or some other person you don't want to look sloppy in front of. It pays to be prepared!
This morning I accidentally turned off my alarm instead of hitting snooze. I overslept three hours! I woke up feeling wonderful and looked at my phone for the time- 9 am, exactly two hours late for work.
I rarely sleep well. Waking up rested and happy is a gift to be thankful for!
I would have revamped the world by now. I'm listening to light rain of the roof, the sound of instant happiness. I'm snuggled in bed and was almost asleep when I realized I forgot my thankful. And today was a day to be extra thankful for.
I worked 9.5 hours, spent my 30 min lunch in the gym doing yoga, grocery shopped, rode 3 horses, lunged 1 horse, cleaned 4 stalls, cooked lunches for the week, did dishes, worked on my book and gave myself a facial and manicure. And I'm still energized! If I felt this way everyday, I would accomplish incredible feats in no time at all!
Today is one of those days. I feel AMAZING. It sure didn't start that way though! Somebody hit a power pole last night. No electricity so no heat in 26° weather, so I bundled under my down comforter with just my nose sticking out. I woke up every so often because my nose got too cold, but the rest of me stayed warm! Finally around 7am the electricity came on, I turned on the heater and the heating pad and slept until noon.
I got up and since there was no electricity, there was no running water because the lines froze (we're on a well) so I layered up and turned the ponies out to play, except Harmony, who I determined to work. I hopped on her post-lungeing after over 2 months off for her sixth ride ever. And she was perfect. Moved right off, relaxed, like we never missed a day. I have taken this horse from a feral pasture pet to this sweet, gorgeous, willing partner. She did the work, but I showed her how. And it feels awesome.
After that, I turned her out for play time and cleaned stalls.
I was so busy being active and getting things done, I completely forgot to eat until about 6pm. Despite that, I have been completely energized. I got the majority of the cleaning and organizing that I wanted for the new year done, I painted my nails, I did some pampering with a face mask and what not and here it is, 11:30pm and I feel like going for a run (I won't, it's FRIGID outside with freezing fog and I need to sleep so I can work tomorrow).
My body is happy, my mind is happy, the dishes are done, the laundry put away, the bed is made, the horses cared for, the dog is passed out from playing, it's just the best feeling in the world!
I just spent 4 hours freezing me toes off at 26° and arrived home to no electricity. I'm camped in my car with the heater on until I get warm enough to dart into the house and jump into bed before the cold air gets me.
Despite that, I am thrilled and excited. I just spent hours gabbing with a best bud and catching up. I am so thankful that we got to reconnect.
I'm also thankful that I made myself stop for fuel on the way home instead of putting it off until tomorrow, because my toes are quite toasty now!
I'm thankful to feel inspired to write again. About anything and everything! I love following logic and nonsense to new places.
All day I kept thinking "I have to find something I truly FEEL thankful for." And all day I struggled. I went home exhausted from work and passed out fully dressed. I woke up ME again.
I dashed to Bed, Bath & Beyond and got the fancy toaster oven I've been dreaming of (Christmas present from my amazing Mom!). That's a huge thankful both because I'm so lucky to have a Mom who totally spoils me and I can cook the healthy food I want to eat. Junk food tanks my happiness!
After that, I visited some of my favorite people, my sister and my nephews.
I am so thankful that after a childhood at war, my sister and I are becoming the best of friends and that I get to watch my nephews grow up and discover the world.
2014 has arrived. Amid fireworks, gunshots, family, friends, or a cozy bed, our "fresh slate" is here. My challenge to myself- and anyone who wants to join me- is to fill my slate with wonderful things, no matter how life throws challenges my way.
The Mission: Write at least one thing I am truly thankful for, from my heart, to my head, to the soles of my feet, every single day of 2014. To feel thankful and appreciate the amazing gifts in my life no matter what happens. Because happiness and health are the two things that matter most and all that other 'good' stuff- well, that's just the gravy on the life I've already built.
My super long list (Starting off right!!!):
My awesome family. We aren't perfect, but, WOW, do I have people to count on.
My friends. How did I get so lucky? To find people who just love me for me and believe in me, even when I don't believe in myself?
Houdini. My horse of almost 18 years. The four-hooved love of my life. Your personality, ridiculous antics, incredible heart and temper tantrums ground me as nothing else can.
Miss Nali, my lab mix. Almost 13 years old, lumpy as all get out, and still happy to bounce around the barn or snuggle up all day in bed.
This very comfy and cozy bed, where I'm still recovering from staying up WAY past my bedtime. And my down comforter. Love my down comforter.
The invention of the smart phone, where I can write and share from almost anywhere.
My happy light. Everyone in Oregon should have one. Otherwise you forget what bright looks like!
My brain. I love to think, ponder, debate and discuss. Knowing that if I don't "get" something, I'm just not thinking about it in the right way. I can't imagine who I would be without that part of myself.
My determination. I don't know how to quit. I may get discouraged, distracted or even depressed, but I can't give up. I won't let myself. It's not in me and I am SO thankful for that.
I could write all day, but I have four ponies and a puppy who want their thankful mommy to come out and play!
