Yesterday I stayed home from work. I felt awful and was super depressed- probably a combo of illness and not eating. I had forgotten how horrid hopelessness feels. I'm really glad that I have the experience and tools to get off that track!
Today has been great, I managed to work a full day, get some hearty groceries and am cooking a real- hopefully delicious!- meal! I was able to clean up, I'm snuggling with my puppy while things cooks and after I eat, I'll clean stalls and get some pony time.
I was happy to be back to work after being so sick, but I was sooo exhausted. I slept 5 hours after work! I cleaned stalls and took the time to really check in with my horses and say hi. And I realized it's time to let go. Really let go, of the past, of expectations, of the things that I love but just don't work in the future I want. So I dropped Harmony's price and posted her all over, now I just hope the right person comes along. I'm thankful that I'm learning this lesson and that I am finally ready for it, no matter how painful it may be.
It's been no secret to my friends that I've been struggling to keep my happy up, but I've got it. Does it take work? Absolutely. It takes mindfulness and not stepping down that negative rabbit hole, but I know how to shift perspective and as long as I'm WILLING to not wallow, I so got this!
Thanks to some super strong antibiotics, a steroid, an inhaler, flonase and allergy meds, I'm finally feeling a LOT better!
There's a whole lot of day-after-day gray in the Willamette Valley during the winter. And Fall. And Spring. Sometime even Summer. So when a day like today comes along, it feels like a gift. About 50 degrees, breezy and blue as can be. The happiness meter jumps 50 points by default!
I'm now on day 5 of being sick in bed, which has not been a party. But it has been a chance for a super long snuggle with my almost 13 year old puppy, Denali. She's getting older and I'm thankful to have such a long time to just be with her, something that just doesn't happen enough because there's always so much to do!
But I'm very thankful that I have the option to take as much time as I need to get better!
